Stop Your Divorce

Stop Your Divorce

When married couples find themselves in a relationship crisis, the possibility of divorce often starts coming up more and more frequently.  Certainly divorce will give you the freedom to go your separate ways and be done with the conflict.  But if you truly desire to stop your divorce, there are several strategies you can begin implementing right now which may turn your relationship around.  In fact, your spouse will never know what hit him!
 
Granted, these strategies take a little work.  And most of the work, if you want to stop your divorce, is yours to do.  Don’t put the onus on your spouse to change.  In fact, if you try following these strategies, your spouse will likely be surprised and start changing in response to you.  Keep in mind, that these will feel very counter-intuitive to you initially.  They will likely be the very opposite of how you have been behaving.  So be prepared to try on some new behaviors which will help you stop your divorce in its tracks!

The first thing you need to do is stop complaining about or criticizing anything about your spouse or your marriage.  Every time you engage in that sort of behavior, you just push your spouse further away and give him more reason to want to go through with the divorce.  So, work hard to catch yourself when you want to make a critical or negative remark if your goal is to stop your divorce.   

Instead, take an unusually agreeable stance.  If your spouse makes a critical comment or complains, agree with him.  For example, if he says something like, “all we ever do is fight”, rather than try to convince him that that isn’t true, (and thus be letting him know how wrong he is) agrees with it.  You might say (and you must be sincere), “you are right….we do fight a lot.”  And once you have agreed, drop it.  Don’t say anything else.  Don’t give in to your urge to defend yourself or the marriage.  Just agree. 

Second, don’t pressure your spouse in any way.  When people are having marriage problems, it is not uncommon for one spouse to be pressuring the other to make changes.  If you want to stop your divorce, this is a huge mistake.

Whenever you pressure someone, you not only put them on the defense, you trigger their resistance.  No one likes to feel pressured, so the natural tendency is to resist it.  Stop yourself whenever you feel the urge to pressure your spouse to work on the marriage, make changes, etc. 

Third, avoid having serious conversations.  Those can do more harm than good in a fragile relationship.  The reasons they can be so damaging is because they create undue pressure in the relationship.  Again, pressure will backfire if your goal is to stop your divorce. 

Last, keep things light hearted, casual, and upbeat.  In other words, cliché as this may sound, “go with the flow”.  So many problems arise when we try to fight against a situation.  By allowing it and no longer fighting it, it frees up the resistance and will often lead to things turning themselves around.  And it takes far less energy to go with the flow than against it. 

Practice doing these things and you will be much more likely to stop your divorce. Keep in mind, you must do them consistently.  If you slip back into old habits of criticizing, pressuring or complaining, you will just shift things back to where they were.  But keep doing these, and it will give your marriage the best chance of working out after all. 

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Problems with Marriage

If you are experiencing problems with marriage, trust me, you are not alone.  That being said, you may feel alone as you try to figure out the real issues and find a way to resolve them.  And in many situations, that is easier said than done.  But it is not impossible. 

Many problems with marriage begin with unrealistic expectations on the part of one or both partners.  This is particularly typical of people who get married when they are quite young or have not had previous long-term relationships.  Unrealistic expectations inevitably lead to frustration, and can also lead to anger and disappointment.  Perhaps some of the challenges facing your marriage are due to impossible expectations about the relationship or your partner.  Let’s look at a few unrealistic myths which can lead to problems with marriage…

Hollywood Romance

Hollywood is the great perpetuator of romantic fantasy.  After all, that’s what sells.  Wouldn’t it be great if all marriages were as perfect or as exciting as they are often portrayed on television or in the movies?  After all, doesn’t everyone’s husband leave a trail of rose petals leading to the bedroom, where there are at least 100 candles burning and another 5 dozen rose’s worth of petals strewn on the bed?  (Seriously, where does anyone store that many candles?)

This fantasy idea that it should always be incredibly romantic can create problems with marriage.  The reality is quite different.  This doesn’t mean the romance has to end after “I do”, but it probably isn’t going to be quite as glamorous or extreme as it is in the movies.

Perfect Partner

It can be a brutal wake-up call when you realize one morning that the person you married isn’t as perfect as you thought.  People who get married without really taking the time to know each other are particularly vulnerable to the problems with marriage which arise when they finally see the other person, warts and all, and realize that they have all sorts of flaws and short-comings.  

Most people put their best foot forward in the early stages of a relationship.  And some can hide their faults for quite a long time.  To avoid problems with marriage like this really requires that you take the relationship slowly and don’t put your significant other on a pedestal.  He or she will fall off at some point.  You can bet on it. 

Happily Ever After

Fairy tales are great for kids, but at some point, we have to recognize them for what they are:  fantasy.  While Cinderella and Prince Charming blissfully disappeared into the castle at the end of the story, we never got to see what happened inside those towering walls a few years down the road.  No doubt a glass slipper or two got shattered when one of them was upset! 

Marriage is not always happy and peaceful.  That would be great but it is not reality.  Conflict is going to occur.  You are not going to agree on everything and in fact, you may find that you disagree on several things.  That’s okay, if you are mature enough to recognize and appreciate that you are two separate individuals with different perspectives, values, preferences, needs and feelings.  Once you can accept that, your problems with marriage will be a lot less challenging.

Don’t lose heart if you are experiencing problems with marriage.  Check your expectations to see if perhaps they need to be altered a bit.  Many couples find that by changing their expectations so that they are better aligned with reality, many problems will subside.  If they don’t, then it is time to look deeper.  But most problems can be overcome if both of you are willing to put in the effort.  

http://www.pregnancymiracle.com/Pregnancy-Miracle.htm?hop=nizamyra86